Sportress of Blogitude

Man wants to sue NFL for $867 trillion over Super Bowl halftime show

The reactions to the Super Bowl LIV halftime show starring Jennifer Lopez and Shakira have been mixed. Many were left impressed by the duo’s superstar appeal, immense talent and charisma, while others believed that the performance was just too racy.

Then there is this guy, who wants to file a class-action lawsuit against the NFL, arguing that viewing the scintillating performances from Shakira and J.Lo could prevent himself and others from getting into heaven.

Dave Daubenmire, who heads the Pass the Salt Ministries in Hebron, Ohio, castigated the performance as the “Super Bowl Porn Show” in a video this week, a title he attributed to all the “crotch shots,” in his words.

“I think we ought to go sit down in the courtroom and as present this as evidence of how, whoever is keeping me from getting into the kingdom of heaven,” Daubenmire stated, via the New York Daily News. “Could I go into a courtroom and say viewing what you put in that screen put me in danger of hell fire?”

The damages Daubenmire deems appropriate? $867 trillion.

“That’s discriminatory against the values I have in my house — you can’t just do that,” Daubenmire added. “… I want to sue them. I want to sue them for about $867 trillion dollars.”

Conventional wisdom — not to mention logic — would suggest that the NFL needn’t worry too much about Daubenmire’s threatened class-action lawsuit.