‘Major Ryan Fitzpatrick’ Twitter account depicts Bucs QB as Civil War pen pal
Stand down, Captain Andrew Luck parody Twitter account. Major Ryan Fitzpatrick is now the NFL’s preeminent fake Twitter handle depicting a league quarterback as a letter-writing military man from the Civil War era.
Long before Fitzpatrick became the toast of Tampa Bay by leading the Buccaneers to an impressive 2-0 start while posting ridiculous stat lines, some enterprising wisenheimer created the Major Ryan Fitzpatrick parody Twitter account.
Dispatches sent to “Dearest Liza” feature old-timey-sounding meditations on the Bucs’ upcoming opponents and the field battles that ensue. And with Fitzpatrick’s magnificent beard making him appear like a man straight out of the 19th century, the tweets are really a hoot.
To wit, here’s what Major Ryan Fitzpatrick had to write about the Bucs regiment waging battle with the Philadelphia Eagles following a 27-21 triumph on Sunday.
Again we were victorious in this glorious Sunday against our feathered taloned enemy aggressors, this time from the Pennsylvania territory. General Koetter has promised us all fried eagle and hardtack biscuits for supper.
Love like Wilkes Booth loves acting,
— Major Ryan Fitzpatrick (@MajorRyanFitz) September 16, 2018
And Tampa’s 48-40 win over the New Orleans Saints in Week 1?
We faced a tough regiment from Louisiana and it was a back and forth battle. The Good Lord blessed me with marvelous sidearm strength today. I look forward to some marrow stew and hot cornbread as we prepare for Pennsylvania next week.
— Major Ryan Fitzpatrick (@MajorRyanFitz) September 9, 2018
Preseason games, nor training camp practices, have been spared from Major Ryan Fitzpatrick’s eloquently written dispatches, either.
My Dear Liza,
This evening we battle the jungle beast aggressors from Michigan. As you can see in this photograph, I do not fear these untamed animals. Please tell Mother I am taking my vitamin tonic elixir daily.
Love till the moon is proven to not be cheese,
— Major Ryan Fitzpatrick (@MajorRyanFitz) August 24, 2018
My Dear Liza,
Tonight we are resting after a practice skirmish with the mountain hillbillies this morn. My squad performed well and my sidearm is not weary. We dined on hog jowl soup and rutabagas. I feel slightly gassy, but satisfied.
Love Like J.W. Booth Loves to Act,
— Major Ryan Fitzpatrick (@MajorRyanFitz) August 16, 2018
This evening we host the kitty cats from the North Florida territory for one final skirmish tuneup. Then we prepare for the real battle, when we will march to the Louisiana swamps to face the hostile Saints.
Love like described in the Good Book,
— Major Ryan Fitzpatrick (@MajorRyanFitz) August 30, 2018
Great stuff, indeed. And the outstanding parody account comes amid Fitzpatrick absolutely setting the NFL on fire in the season’s first two weeks, something that presents the Buccaneers with something of a quarterback conundrum when Jameis Winston returns from suspension in Week 4.