Sportress of Blogitude

Funnyman Larry David wants Ryan Fitzpatrick to shave his beard


Larry David, one of the most revered figures in comedy television, is a huge New York Jets fan. And the recent return of Ryan Fitzpatrick to the team following a protracted contract stalemate left the funnyman with one unique observation:

The quarterback needs to shave that scraggly beard.

David was making an appearance this week on “The Dan Patrick Show” when he made the assertion that Fitzpatrick would be well-served by the removal of his out-of-control facial hair.

“I don’t know why Fitzpatrick can’t shave, honestly,” David, a huge New York sports fan, told guest host Charissa Thompson, via “Why does he need that beard? That beard really bothers me. I don’t know what this quarterback looks like. Who am I rooting for? Imagine Mickey Mantle with a full beard like that. It would have changed my entire childhood.”

David, co-creator of the iconic comedies “Seinfeld” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” probably would have had an unflattering opinion on Fitzpatrick’s crazy training camp hairdo had the quarterback not shaved it off after losing a bet with Jets defensive players.

The iconic comic also reiterated his insistence he truly could be a competent NFL offensive coordinator, something he proclaimed during a 2015 interview with Howard Stern.

“I’m not joking,” David told Thompson, who once conducted an impromptu interview with the comedian at an NHL game. “I’m positive I could be an offensive coordinator. All I have to do is, I think if I just studied, if I just hung around and learned a little bit … give me one season to shadow an offensive coordinator, and I know I could do it.”

While David has no experience whatsoever coaching football, who’s to say the longtime Jets fan wouldn’t be “prettay prettay prettay prettay good” at it? Well, outside of logic and a firm grip on reality, of course.