Sportress of Blogitude

Giants head coach Tom Coughlin lampooned in Onion article


The debacle that played out late in Sunday night’s New York Giants-Dallas Cowboys game and its subsequent fallout has reached such ridiculous proportions that it has even caught the attention of “the Onion.”

In an amusing take on how the Giants arguably blew the game in the fourth quarter of the team’s 27-26 loss to the division rival Cowboys, the satirical site played on the advancing age of the 69-year-old coach with the headline, “Giants Move Tom Coughlin To Assisted-Coaching Facility.”

The piece reads in part:

“We know Tom likes his independence, but ultimately we had no choice—at least this way he won’t have to completely stop what he loves doing while still getting the proper supervision and attention he needs,” said offensive coordinator Ben McAdoo, adding that he was hopeful the 69-year-old Coughlin would grow to appreciate the center’s many amenities, including trained staff on-site 24 hours per day ready to help residents read playbooks, review game film, and manage the clock during the fourth quarter.

Coughlin and quarterback Eli Manning similarly took the blame for how the Giants apparently tried not to score on first- and second-down rushes from running back Rashad Jennings from inside the 5-yard line with less than two minutes remaining and the Giants up 23-20. Jennings said afterward that he was specifically told, “Rashad, don’t score” before the plays, something Manning confirmed in a conference call Monday. The running back later apologized to Manning for throwing the quarterback under the bus in a column for the New York Post.

In any event, it’s unlikely that Coughlin is a regular reader of “the Onion,” but if he does happen to come upon the piece of satire, odds are he would blow it off and utter a variation of the phrase he used frequently when discussing the entire controversy earlier this week: “We’re on to Atlanta.”

On the other hand, Coughlin might just say, “What in the heck is ‘the Onion’? Or, perhaps in the manner of one Grandpa Simpson, “So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time.”