Sportress of Blogitude

Another Cowboys fan files lawsuit over Dez Bryant ‘catch,’ seeks $100 billion


Dez Bryant’s catch/non-catch during the Dallas Cowboys’ Jan. 11 divisional playoff game to the Green Bay Packers is turning into a cottage industry for would-be filers of frivolous lawsuits.

Joining an incarcerated inmate who filed an $89 billion lawsuit — $88,987,654,321.88 to be exact — in late January regarding the controversial and pivotal play from the Cowboys’ playoff game loss, Guadalupe Olivarez of Alamo, Tex., has surpassed that absurdity with a $100 billion lawsuit, per a Star-Telegram report.

The lawsuit, filed as an amended petition for review with the Texas Education Agency, specifically requests that said governmental office should have jurisdiction to rule on the case, as the Petition involves the redefining of the word, “catch.”

Not only that, the pleadings request that the NFL should be banned from using said word ever again on television, as “it is causing confusion in the Texas public school system, and is interfering with the Texas education system.”

As far as the request for a monetary judgment requested is concerned, the $100 billion would be to compensate the Plaintiffs for “pain and anguish.” The Plaintiffs named in the filings include of course Olivarez, but the Cowboys, Bryant, Jerry Jones, and most curious of all, ESPN talking head Skip Bayless are also named. The Defendants in the case are identified as the NFL, Roger Goodell and NFL vice president of officiating Dean Blandino, with the local school district thrown in for good measure.

Multiple sections go into great detail to explain why the play resulted in a catch by Bryant, including mentions of the oft-used “football move” term.

“The NFL harping on the ‘must maintain control’ part of it after going to the ground must think that a human being is capable of floating 29 feet in the air after catching a football at the peak of their jump,” the pleadings argue. And how.

But the lawsuit isn’t solely for the benefit of Olivarez and his named co-plaintiffs, as the lawsuit states, “If we allow it to happen to just one team then the refs can do it to any and all teams.”

The vast sums of money sought in damages aside, given the stated goal of the lawsuit to redefine the word “catch,” it’s really about the schoolkids. Won’t somebody please think of the children?