Sportress of Blogitude

Eagles fan posts ad on Craigslist seeking new quarterback, secondary help


It’s certainly not the first time it a disgruntled fan has played the wisenheimer and posted a snarky submission on Craigslist as a means to rip their favorite team, but a Philadelphia Eagles fan’s Craigslist posting seeking a new quarterback and secondary help clearly is one of the better listings of its ilk.

The ad, “Playoff caliber football team seeks Secondary help (Lincoln Financial Field),” was posted to Philly Craigslist earlier this week and spells out the dire needs of the Eagles (9-5) in its final two-game stretch as follows (via

We are a great football team with an elite Special Teams, Offensive unit and plan, and Defensive Front 7, but our Secondary just isn’t able to help us close the deal. Can you play Safety or Cornerback? Are you willing to turn your head when the ball is coming toward your man and break up a pass? Can you keep your hands to yourself when you’re not making a play on the ball? Do you know how to hold coverage, not blow your assignment, and let the Wide Receiver you’re supposed to be covering have 20 yards of space around him while you’re double-teaming a decoy? Bonus if you can complete an open field tackle or complete an interception.

Then we want you. Not much football experience or talent required, as all you’ll have to do is be better than Bradley Fletcher or Cary Williams.

If you know anyone who can throw a ball to someone 20 yards away without having it intercepted by a guy who is only 10 yards away, let him know that we might need him, too.

The ad obviously is a savage indictment of the pass coverage skills of cornerbacks Cary Williams and Bradley Fletcher, but it also includes a subtle rip-job on safeties Nate Allen and Malcolm Jenkins.

But it’s how the fan posted the ad threw in a scathing commentary at the ineffectiveness and substandard play of quarterback Mark Sanchez almost as an aside in closing really ends the listing with some seriously sarcastic gusto.

But the crux of the Craiglist post lies in its brutal assessment of the poor play by the team’s secondary. Given that the Eagles rank 28th in the NFL in passing defense (tied for 26th overall) as well as 23rd in interceptions, perhaps this sarcastically inclined Eagles fan may be on to something.

At least the opponents the Eagles face in its last two games this season are the Washington Redskins and New York Giants, hardly intimidating foes as the Eagles attempt to lock up a playoff spot. It also allows potential candidates a little more time to respond to the ad before the situation turns seriously dire, should the Eagles reach the postseason.