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Richard Sherman uses Doug Baldwin cutout to eviscerate NFL in bizarre presser (vid)

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Richard Sherman, just as he threatened on Sunday, came out on the offensive in support of Seattle Seahawks teammate Marshawn Lynch during his Tuesday afternoon presser. But that wasn’t all he had in store for the assembled media.

Utilizing a cardboard cutout of wide receiver Doug Baldwin, Sherman engaged in remarkably surreal press conference theater, lambasting the NFL for several of its policies, in particular its stance on player media availability, but also the league’s position regarding player safety as well as its stringent policies regarding what products players can and cannot endorse.

The operative theme of Sherman’s skit involved his perception of the league’s “hypocrisy,” a word he utilized throughout the two-and-a-half-minute sketch.

Sherman opened his back-and-forth with “Baldwin” by talking about Lynch.

“You know, the other day, Marshawn Lynch got fined $100,000. Did you know that?” Sherman asked the cardboard-cutout version of Baldwin. “$100,000. And it’s like, they wouldn’t have even paid him $100,000 if he had talked, if he had spoken. Doug, do you think they would have paid him $100,000?”

Regarding player safety, Sherman unloaded on the notion that the NFL is concerned about it yet forces players to participate in games on short rest.

“I almost didn’t realize that, because they’ve been talking about player safety so much. And it’s like, two games in five days doesn’t seem like you care about player safety. It’s a little bit much for me.” Sherman commented.

Sherman also railed on the NFL’s hypocritical policies related to alcohol.

“Yeah, sounds a little bit hypocritical! It seems like we’re in a league where they say: ‘Players, you know, you don’t endorse any alcohol,” Sherman said. “Please don’t endorse alcohol; no DUIs please.’ But yet, a beer sponsor is their biggest sponsor! Doug, how do you feel about that?”

It was a bravado performance, something that Sherman almost definitely will hear about from the NFL. Whether he will be fined or not may not be clear — although a betting man would put money down on him getting nicked in the wallet for his skit — but someone will be getting in touch with him.

A full transcript of Sherman’s sketch, via the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

Sherman: “You know, the other day, Marshawn Lynch got fined $100,000. Did you know that? $100,000. And it’s like, they wouldn’t have even paid him $100,000 if he had talked, if he had spoken. Doug, do you think they would have paid him $100,000?”

Baldwin: “No, they sure wouldn’t have!”

Sherman: “Jeez, Louise. But you know who does pay me a lot of money? Beats by Dre, the wonderful headphones that I wear.”

Baldwin: “I like those headphones.”

Sherman: “But the league doesn’t let me say anything about them. Doug, why is that?”

Baldwin: “I don’t know. Sounds kind of hypocritical to me.”

Sherman: “Yeah, sounds a little bit hypocritical! It seems like we’re in a league where they say: ‘Players, you know, you don’t endorse any alcohol. Please don’t endorse alcohol; no DUIs please.’ But yet, a beer sponsor is their biggest sponsor! Doug, how do you feel about that?”

Baldwin: “Like I said: Sounds very hypocritical.”

Sherman: “Yeah, it’s interesting. It’s very, very interesting. It’s crazy. But, you know, in this offseason, you have a good time. You get to wear Neff shades, you get to wear Neff beanies, you get to eat some Campbell’s Soup. My girl was sick this week; she got some Campbell’s Soup in her and, you know, that’s always good. So kids, when you get sick, be sure to get your Campbell’s Soup in you. It’s always a great deal, very healthy, very good for you. Chicken noodle soup around this time — it’s flu season.”

Baldwin: “Speaking of health, how do you feel about the NFL making me play two games in five days?”

Sherman: “Oh my god! Jeez! I almost didn’t realize that, because they’ve been talking about player safety so much. And it’s like, two games in five days doesn’t seem like you care about player safety. It’s a little bit much for me.

“But Doug, you look pretty healthy. You look like you’ve been having a good time. You look like you’ve been eating good. What kind of sandwiches have you been having?”

Baldwin: “You know, I like to eat fresh, so I eat my Subway. And I also like to wash my Subway down with a bottle of Martinelli’s.”

Sherman: “Oh my god, Martinelli’s? Sounds like a great beverage!

“It’s fun. It’s fun to use your time in the NFL to speak about something you care about, right? Right? Because then you don’t get fined $100,000. You don’t get fined at all for this. This is how they want us to talk, right? This is what they want us to do: They want us to advertise, right Doug?”

Baldwin: “Sounds about right to me!”

Sherman: “Alright! Gotta make some money. Gotta not get fined. Anybody got any questions?”

Baldwin: “Nope, I don’t think so!”

Sherman: “Alright!”

Baldwin (to media): “Have a good day.”

Sherman (to media): “Thank you.”

Incredible.