Sportress of Blogitude

College Basketball

Nebraska basketball coach Tim Miles applied to be head of school’s student section


It goes without saying that being the head basketball coach at a big-time university is a high-pressure job, a position that comes with loads of responsibility that demands complete dedication as well as an unreal time commitment.

But for Tim Miles, head coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers men’s basketball team, there appears to be some room left on his plate for some work on the side.

While he was a bit late in submitting his application, Miles in October put in his bid for the position of winter sport director for “The Iron N,” the university’s student support group.

And he did so in a sublimely hilarious manner.

The official site of “The Iron N” posted Miles’ application. His responses to the questions posed were as follows.

When asked why he was applying, Miles stated it plainly.

I am applying for the position as Winter Sports Director because I love basketball. In fact, I’ve spent the last 20+ years at various colleges closely following their basketball teams.  I want to use my passion to create and lead a thundering army of fanatics so great, even creatures like Badgers, Wolverines, Knights, Turtles, General People from Indiana, and Eyes of Hawks and Bucks will cower. I also know Bill Murray so Gophers shouldn’t be an issue either.  Ok, I don’t know him “personally” but I’ve seen all his movies.  I frequently yell “It’s in the hole!” when Shavon Shields shoots.

Additionally, I’ve been in close contact with the coaching staff and know the effect the Red Zone can have on a game.  I believe under my leadership we can create the craziest basketball atmosphere since… EVER.  

Good answer.

When asked why he would make a great sports director, Miles showcased his dedication to Cornhuskers basketball by highlighting his impeccable attendance record.

I’ve been to every Husker game (home and away) for the last two years.  Haven’t missed a single one!!  I even sneak into the arena and locker room hours before the game because I never have a ticket and want to save my front row seat.  Some say I’m obsessed, I say “That’s why I’m the right man for this job.”

At the games, I spend much of my time yelling, jumping and waving my arms.  When I get really excited, I’m all fists of fury – which is why I own two Copper Fit elbow sleeves.  If that’s not dedication then it doesn’t exist.  But, I also think outside the box.  For example, I sat on No Sit Sunday, on two separate occasions.

Lastly, I have a very open relationship with the referees.  In 20 years, I’ve only been “asked” to leave one time.  Coincidently [sic], that’s the only time they didn’t agree with me either.


And saving the best for last, Miles let it all hang out with his ideas on how to improve the student section during Cornhuskers men’s basketball games.

I’m not much for face or body painting but I do like to go commando for gamedays.  It really gives that level of freedom that I need for inspiration.  I think a tradition like this would take the Red Zone to the next level. 

Other incredible ideas that I have include: 

Confetti cannons

Lasers (lots of lasers, you can never have too many – just ask Skrillex next week)


Laser hawks

Hawks with lasers

Dread Head Night for Petteway and Rivers

Cat Night so Bo Pelini will come to a game 

Dogs throwing frisbees to humans

Outback Night for Coach Harriman (Bloomin Onions for everyone, I love those things!!!)

Put my twitter handle on the back of every jersey, even the opponents

Brilliant. Clearly, the man loves his lasers.

Sadly, due to his lateness of his submission — among other reasons — Miles was ineligible for the position and didn’t get the job. But the fact that he finished his submission with “Miles. Out.” certainly illustrates that he would have been the right guy for the job.

[H/T The Dagger]