Sportress of Blogitude

Cops nab ‘Laser Pointer Bandit’ from Lions game who bragged about antics online


There’s an old adage that purports criminals find it irresistible not to return to the scene of the crime. Perhaps in this modern era of social media, the saying should be modified to argue that criminals find it impossible not to idiotically brag about their illegal escapades on Twitter.

At least that’s the case for one Mark Beslach, as he has been named as the miscreant who was aiming a green laser pointer at Buffalo Bills players during last Sunday’s game against the Detroit Lions at Ford Field.

Detroit police have identified Beslach as the perpetrator behind the laser pointer antics during Sunday’s game after tracking him down after he inexplicably bragged about his conduct at the game on Twitter. Police report they confiscated his tool of distraction upon locating him.

Beslach has been issued a misdemeanor citation for disorderly conduct by the police, meaning he will have to appear in court and likely pay a small fine.

The Lions also announced that Beslach reportedly has been banned from Ford Field indefinitely as well as had his season tickets revoked for the remainder of the 2014 season.

“Our guest behavior expectations for all Ford Field events are very high,” Lions president Tom Lewand announced in a statement issued Thursday, via an report. “Additionally, this occurrence was unique in that it could have affected the integrity of the game and more importantly could have jeopardized player safety.”

Beslach arguably might not have never been caught had he not “shined a light” on himself and his behavior by boasting about his attempts at distracting Bills players — including quarterback Kyle Orton — who complained to officials — and placeholder Colton Schmidt — during Buffalo’s 17-14 road win.

While Beslach may have saw the error in his boastful ways and pulled down his Twitter account after the fact, the police were still able to track him down.

Among his boasts on his since-deleted Twitter account:

  • “You see a green light on any of the bills players just laugh cause it’s me.”
  • “Got Kyle Orton complained to the ref when I got him with the laser.”

Solid self-incriminating stuff right there. The only thing that could have made Beslach’s social media antics that much more boneheaded and idiotic is had he taken a selfie of himself aiming his laser pointer at the field. Given his conduct, odds are the guy lacked the mental capacity to be able to shine the laser pointer over his shoulder while simultaneously taking the selfie. The entire chewing gum while walking bit.

Sure, stuff like what this dunderhead pulled on Sunday looks funny on “Seinfeld,” it has no place in real life, especially sporting events. And that’s a “The More You Know” for the day.