Sportress of Blogitude

Cowboys owner Jerry Jones could have Histrionic Personality Disorder, y’all


Poor Jerry Jones. The Dallas Cowboys have “stormed” out of the gate this season, going 2-1, and the megalomaniacal owner feels like his team, so frequently cast aside and ignored by the media and fans alike, simply are not getting enough attention showered on them.

What a crock, right?

While he doesn’t say it exactly, it arguably can be inferred by comments he made Friday that he feels the Cowboys are being marginalized.

Taking that a step further, it could be argued that Jones thinks the Cowboys are not being lavished with enough praise that the team rightfully deserves given just how impressive the squad has been while racing out to a, um, 2-1 record. Given his history of bluster and overstating the quality of his team, it’s a reasonable assumption.

Actually, instead of explaining it, let Double-J explain himself, explaining why once again the Cowboys may be on the precipice of unparalleled excellence and total domination (via Pro Football Talk):

“I think we’ve shown some things that would cause you to hold in discounting us,” Jones reportedly said on KRLD, according a Fort Worth Star-Telegram report. “That’s an awkward way of saying that we should be looked at out of the corner of peoples’ eye. We’ve got to do it, though. We’ve got to put it together, with putting the right people on the field as it relates to injury, and that’s happening for us. We could have Melton out there this weekend. We could have McClain out there this weekend. We could have [Tyrone] Crawford moving over as the No. 3 tackle, and then moving out to end, why? Because Anthony Spencer is going to be out there taking some snaps.

“Now that’s serious stuff. Get [Justin] Durant back in there, get [Rolando] McClain back at linebacker. Now, all of a sudden we’ve got about three or four players out there that arguably are the best defensive players that we hadn’t had the last two or three games. That’s a big deal.

“And if we’re that, then I think [Tony] Romo’s certainly getting his timing down. I like the experience our offensive line is getting and has gotten in these three games. Yes. Yeah. We need to be glanced at over here.”

Yeah, indeed, Mr. Jones. It’s not like the Cowboys, despite being nothing more than a mediocre team at best for the most part over the better part of two decades, don’t receive enough attention. Given that the so-called “America’s Team” has won a measly two playoff games while losing seven since 1996, any attention given to the Cowboys is arguably too much, insofar as it relates to the attention paid to other teams with a similar track record of mediocrity.

This run of course includes going 8-8 in the past three seasons, which is part of four-straight seasons where the Cowboys have not reached the playoffs.

The Cowboys, despite their relative middle-of-the-pack status, are often one of the top stories seemingly every week in the NFL. Of course it begins with Jones himself, and his self-promoting ways, so it’s no surprise he’s pulling the “Nobody Respects Us” card three games into the season.

Which leads me to provide the following unscientific diagnosis that in no way should be taken seriously and is completely a joke (albeit with some element of truth to it):

Jerry Jones may have Histrionic Personality Disorder.

A rundown of the condition and its associated symptoms.

Histrionic personality disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of attention seeking behavior and extreme emotionality. Someone with histrionic personality disorder wants to be the center of attention in any group of people, and feel uncomfortable when they are not. While often lively, interesting and sometimes dramatic, they have difficulty when people aren’t focused exclusively on them. People with this disorder may be perceived as being shallow, and may engage in sexually seductive or provocative behavior to draw attention to themselves.

Individuals with Histrionic Personality Disorder may have difficulty achieving emotional intimacy in romantic or sexual relationships. Without being aware of it, they often act out a role (e.g., “victim” or “princess”) in their relationships to others. They may seek to control their partner through emotional manipulation or seductiveness on one level, whereas displaying a marked dependency on them at another level.

Individuals with this disorder often have impaired relationships with same-sex friends because their sexually provocative interpersonal style may seem a threat to their friends’ relationships. These individuals may also alienate friends with demands for constant attention. They often become depressed and upset when they are not the center of attention.

Yep, that about nails it. Y’all.

Again, I am not a clinical psychologist, psychiatrist so the above commentary should be simply viewed as a satirical look at trying to explain why Jerry Jones would say something as ridiculous as not enough attention is being paid to the Cowboys … of all team.

Good grief, man.