Sportress of Blogitude

Cam Newton talks ‘Donkey Kong Suh’ flap, deems himself ‘Sensei of Nicknames’


Cam Newton caught a little flak after he referred to Ndamukong Suh as “Donkey Kong Suh” ahead of the Carolina Panthers’ 24-7 win over the Detroit Lions last Sunday.

But Newton has a perfectly reasonable excuse for his bestowing said moniker upon the intimidating defensive lineman. First, he was trying to pay Suh a compliment.

“If anything I was trying to say it as a compliment of him wreaking havoc,” Newton said following the Week 2 win, via an NFL Nation report. “Me going forward, I should have called him ‘Wreck-it Ralph.'”

And second, it is in his nature to hand out monikers to people. He’s a expert at it. In fact, he’s kind of like he’s an instructor, if you will, in the art, really. A master of sorts, dispensing wisdom — and nicknames — to others.

“I just call myself the ‘Sensei of Nicknames,'” Newton told reporters on Thursday.

Sensei? Gotcha. Well, if he’s handing out nicknames to others, it makes sense that he has a new one for himself every once in a while. His favorite self-given nickname?

“Ace Boogie,” the signal-caller reported. Meh, but it’s better than “Superman,” that’s for sure.

Newton shared some of the nicknames he has given some of his teammates.

“You ready?” Newton said when asked about the ones he’s most proud of. “OK, here we go. We’ve got Joe Smo, obviously. We’ve got DA, Go Meister. We’ve got Tub of Goo. We’ve got Plate of Paste. We’ve got Chunky Soup. We’ve got Pinky. We’ve got Benji. We’ve got Schmoo. We’ve got Bando. We’ve got Rhino. We’ve got BBell. We’ve got Mauler. We’ve got Swoll Bones. We’ve got Ed, Edd and Eddy. We’ve got Mucus. We’ve got Javante. J-Co. ”

Tub of Goo? Really? Who knew Terry Forster was a member of the Panthers? Wait, that was “Fat Tub of Goo,” the moniker David Letterman bestowed upon the then-Atlanta Braves pitcher during a monologue in 1985.

Yep, we took a ride in the Wayback Machine for that dated reference.


Moving on, while he didn’t identify the identities of the players bearing the above nicknames, Newton did reveal the rather nasty nickname for one guy.

“Mucus is [practice-squad receiver] Marcus Lucas. If you mix them all together you get Mucus. Yeah, I take pride in having nicknames.”

Indeed he does. It will be pretty cool if Lucas ever graduates from the practice squad to the 53-man roster. That way, “Ace Boogie” can start tossing passes to “Mucus.” That is so [s]not funny, but kinda weird, though.