Sportress of Blogitude

Peyton Manning has the comedic sensibility of an average adolescent boy


A big story coming out of Denver Broncos Organized Team Activities back in May — more for the curious nature of it all than anything else — was that the team was utilizing a Lycra football during drills.

Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas were spotted during OTAs carrying around green Lycra footballs all over the place.

When reporters asked about the strange addition to standard football practice equipment, Peyton Manning was reluctant to shed any light on the topic.

That’s Denver Broncos offensive business,” he told reporters.

When pressed, Manning got even more assertive in his efforts to respond with a non-response.

“Like I said, that’s official Denver Broncos offensive business, right? It’s kind of an A and B conversation and you can C your way out of it,” Manning said.

Haha. Well played, Pey Pey.

Setting aside the desire to give Manning a well-deserved “Bravo!” for his “C your way out of it” zinger, it was later learned that the Lycra football had to do with putting an emphasis on ball security.

Fair enough.

Moving on to the start of Broncos training camp this week. Manning again was spotted with a Lycra football, only this time it was blue, not green.

This provided perfect fodder for Manning to showcase that he is no better than the rest of us cretins when an opportunity presents itself to gleefully enjoy the always-amusing unintentional sexual innuendo.

The problem for Peyton was that no one was biting on the perfect chance to utter the term “blue ball.” No reporter caught on, so Manning had no choice but to goad one of the assembled media members into satisfying his sophomoric sense of humor.

As transcribed by USA Today’s Lindsay Jones (via For the Win):

“Last thing, I know you wanted to know [about] the ball security thing. Did [Head Coach John Fox] give the answer?”

Reporter: “Same as the green he said.”

Manning: “It’s a different color because of training camp, does that make any sense?”

Reporter: “So will it be green for the regular season?”

Manning: “It won’t be blue during the regular season, but it’s training camp. What color are they during training camp?”

Reporter: “Blue ball.”

Manning: “There it is.”

There it is, indeed. To see Manning get the media to crack up, a video is available of his carefully crafted setup at The Denver Post.

It’s clear that Manning could not wait for someone to say “blue ball.” Although the preferred nomenclature would be “blue balls.” It seems to be physiologically impossible to suffer from the aforementioned painful condition in the singular sense with the other one remaining a-okay.


Okay, hold up. This discussion is going way too far. It’s clear that only someone the comedic sensibility of an average adolescent boy — like Peyton Manning, for instance — would want to pursue this topic any further.