Sportress of Blogitude

Spurs selling a gastrobomb triple-decker sandwich called the ‘3-Pointer’ (photo)


Sweet Sassy Molassey. Fans packing AT&T Center to watch the San Antonio Spurs host the Miami Heat during the NBA Finals in the coming weeks may want to bring along a pack of Rolaids — or several packs — if they intend to feast upon the latest over-the-top, culinary gutbomb, artery-clogging offering at a U.S. professional sports arena.

It has been announced that Aramark, AT&T Center’s food service company, will be selling a monstrosity called the “3-Pointer.” As you can see above, it’s an utterly absurd amount of food masquerading as a sandwich. Here’s the details of what goes into the heart-stopping, high calorie testament to gluttony (via the San Antonio Current):

Here’s what’s in it: three barbecued meats (pork, smoked beef brisket and sausage), three cheeses (Texas havarti, Muenster and queso fresco), Mexican Coca Cola caramelized onions and a choice of sauce (root beer BBQ, adobo BBQ or Creole mustard BBQ) sandwiched between three slices of Texas Toast. Ay Dios mio.

Excuse me as I wipe the drool off my face. Pork? Smoked beef brisket AND sausage? Yep. Three cheeses? You better believe it. Topped with Mexican Coca-Cola? Mercy. And how about root beer barbecue sauce? That sounds mighty tasty.

And all that crammed in between three slices of Texas toast? Good grief.

But the kicker — or the defibrillator, more appropriately — is the price. $12.50.

Yep, you get all that meaty, cheesy and saucy goodness — along with a freaking tower of onion rings — for a shade under thirteen bucks.

I’ll take two. And a couple rolls of Rolaids, please. Might as well schedule an angioplasty while I’m at it.

One last thing: This kind of high-calorie ridiculousness arguably will only serve as fodder to inflate Charles Barkley’s already-critical views regarding the weight of of the stereotypical San Antonio woman, right?

Imagine how Barkley would pantomime horking down on a couple of “3-Pointers.” That could only lead to an even more awkward GIF than the one below where he demonstrates how they two-fist churros and chug down sodas down in San Antonio:

Hoo boy.

[, top image via @Eater]