Sportress of Blogitude

1 Redditor, 1 Cup: Guy promises to eat his own poop if Cavaliers won draft lottery

2014 NBA Draft Lottery

In a story that could only be told in the Age of the Internet — makes one nostalgic for the days before social media, message boards and whatnot — an NBA fan promised before the outcome of the 2014 NBA Draft Lottery that if the Cleveland Cavaliers somehow snagged the No. 1 pick for the third time in four seasons, he would happily eat his own poop.

Of course, the Cavaliers did in fact win the Draft Lottery, leaving this guy in a pretty bad position.

This all played out on Tuesday before the lottery on reddit, and, of course, being the Internet where everything is permanent and nothing is ever written in jest, the reddit community is attempting to hold this guy accountable, demanding that he indeed consumes a steaming pile of his own feces. Yeah.

The redditor in question, “timberwolvesguy,” not surprisingly is trying to backtrack on his promise, but at least one fellow Redditor apparently will try to make sure that “timerwolvesguy” keeps his word.

For a complete rundown of the poop-eating-related showdown, The Daily Dot does a yeoman’s job of it. But here’s the gist of it in screengrab form (via SB Nation):


It’s all completely absurd and stupidly silly, obviously. It’s unclear how “aveydey” plans to coerce “timberwolvesguy” to eat his own poop, even if he boasts he will do “by blood or by fire,” which, given the nature of this story, is exactly how I envision the bowel movements going for any person foolish enough to eat one of those new Flamin’ Hot Cheetos Burritos from Taco John’s. Not really relevant, I know, but it’s worth noting. Or not.

Back to the topic at hand. Even though the guy insisting he will ensure that “Guy Who Pledged To Eat His Own Poop” does in fact eat his own poop, it seems darn near impossible. First of all, he’d have to establish the true identity of “timberwolvesguy.” Secondly, he’d have to force his fecal foil to poop in his presence, then force the guy to then eat the poop. Seems like an awful lot of work simply to make sure a guy follows through with something he wrote on the Internet.

Again, it makes one long for the days before the Internet, right? You know, when a person could backtrack on a promise to eat their own poop without being globally shamed by people he or she has never even met. Keep broken poop promises in the family and circle of friends, I say.