Sportress of Blogitude

Texas Rangers trying to kill its fans with 24-inch sandwich, bacon on a stick (pics)

The Texas Rangers have a long and storied and gut-bombing history of tantalizing and torturing fans who visit Globe Life Park in Arlington with tempting and tasty treats. Granted, most of the offerings are on the high calorie side of the scale (standard for traditional ballpark fare), while others eclipse simply fattening to absurd, perhaps even dangerous enough to warrant a Surgeon General’s warning.

The Rangers have outdone themselves once again this season with the introduction of two items in particular: Bacon on a Stick and the Choomongous.

The Bacon on a Stick (above) will sell for seven bucks. The ginormous slab of pork belly measures a whopping thee-quarters of an inch and is dipped in a maple glaze.

The Choomongous, in a nod to outfielder Shin-Soo Choo, is a 24-inch long Korean barbecue sandwich served with spicy slaw and Sriracha mayo.

Holy-Rolaids-Moly. It supposedly feeds four, although it would not be surprising to learn that some fans will attempt to take this bad boy on themselves in a ballpark version of “Man vs. Food.”

The Choomongous ($26), like its predecessor, the Boomstick, a two-foot long chili dog — not to confused with the “Great Batbino,” a two-foot long brat from Josh Hamilton’s time with the team — is served in its own carrying case, lest a hungry customer dump that behemoth before returning to their seat.

Who’s getting hungry just thinking about all that good eats? Or slightly nauseous? Never fear, either way, you could wash it all down with a frozen beer ($7.75):

And for the more calorie and health-conscious, Shawn Mattox, general manager of Metroplex Sportservice who is running the high-calorie culinary cavalcade at the ballpark, there are some healthy items available.

“At the ballpark, we don’t count calories,” Mattox said, chuckling. “We have healthy items, and many of these specialty items are designed to be shared. But we also believe the ballpark is a place to indulge.”

Well, that just sounds silly. Eat up, Rangers fans. You only live once. And if you eat some of the gastrointestinal gut-bomb offerings from the Rangers, that life won’t be very long.

[The Dallas Morning News/ESPN]