Sportress of Blogitude

Behold, the adult onesie deemed ‘The Perfect Superbowl Wardrobe,’ on sale for … $219??? (pics)


With Super Bowl XLVIII fast approaching featuring a match-up between the Denver Broncos and Seattle Seahawks that very well could turn out to be a classic, one’s thoughts may be turning to what one might choose to wear to a festive Super Bowl party.

Fear not, friends, an article of clothing has come along that not only is stylish, it is topical, relevant and presumably, super, super comfy.Oh, and profoundly ugly and ridiculous. Or maybe that’s just my opinion.

According to a sublimely ridiculous press release issued by (the extra “O” is for “Oh…my…God”), what you are looking at with a pervasive sense of sadness is the “The Unisex ZOOOP iT UP Adult ZOOOPLESS Onesie in Football,” deemed, “The Perfect Superbowl Wardrobe for Die-Hard Football Fans.” And how!

Who are the ad wizards who came up with this one? Granted, for a man, there are few looks more debonair, fashionable and becoming than looking like a zipped-up football. For a woman …


Never mind.

The press release in its entirety:

It’s no surprise that professional football players are often spotted in onesies – they’re fun, comfy and easy. Now football fans can follow suit with a festive, fun option that will redefine Sunday Best.  

ZOOOP iT UP! luxury adult onesies introduces the new unisex ZOOOPLESS Onesie in Football just in time for Super Bowl. This hooded, footless ZOOOP is made of soft, lightweight 100% cotton, and looks amazing on both men and women. The game day equivalent of ‘turkey pants,’ your ZOOOP will keep you comfortable no matter how many wings you eat.

Compelling arguments. These bad boys most certainly “will redefine Sunday Best,” albeit not in a good way. But it’s hard to argue that the onesie “looks amazing on both men and women.”

And maybe I’m not up to speed on the highfalutin fluctuations found in the world of high-end fashion, but what in the hell are “turkey pants”?

It’s not surprising that “ZOOOP will keep you comfortable no matter how many wings you eat,” but one addendum needs to be added: “…while you weep alone in a darkened living room.” There’s little chance a person would be invited to a big Super Bowl party if it was known they would show up in one of these bad boys, much less the certainty that the door would be slammed in their face should they show up to one.

For those who have had their buying bone tickled by the onesies, here’s the description via the website:

The Unisex ZOOOP iT UP Adult ZOOOPLESS Onesie in Football looks amazing on both men and women. Featuring 2 side zipped pockets and premium super soft cotton blend making this onesie the ultimate in comfy wear.

A two way YKK® quality zipper goes all the way to the top of the hood. Each YKK® zipper is attached to a quality, 3” ZOOOP IT UP logo stitched tag puller.

This ZOOOP iT UP ZOOOPLESS onesie unisex fit is perfect for him or her. Your search for the Ultimate Comfy Wear ends now. Once you’ve put on your ZOOOP you’ll never want to part from it!

Saving the best for last — although the absurd factoid was mentioned in the title, the amount of hard-earned money one will have to part with to procure a pair (or however they are referred to) of these onesies?

$219 … Two-hundred-nineteen freaking dollars. Seriously?

Bad Idea Onesies, man. Bad Idea Onesies. Actually, placing “Bad Idea” in front of “Onesies” is a tad redundant. Abundantly redundant, even.

[H/T Cold Hard Football Facts]