Sportress of Blogitude

Cue Pavement reference: Rob Ryan’s long hair reportedly a deterrent to landing head coaching job


According to a story that is so absurd it must be true, ESPN’s Chris Mortensen reported on Monday that despite his pedigree and relative success as a defensive coordinator, Rob Ryan, currently serving in that capacity with the New Orleans Saints (and before that, the Dallas Cowboys, Cleveland Browns and Oakland Raiders), is seeing his head coaching credentials greatly diminished due to his flowing locks of gray hair and is being passed over for opportunities to run an NFL team.

On Monday’s episode of “NFL Insiders,” Mortensen said, “If he wants to be a head coach, he has to cut his hair. It is about image for these guys. They want a CEO-type. That’s what they want.” Well, that just seems unfair. But sadly, it’s hardly surprising, either.

The New York Post performed a follicle-based breakdown of the head coaches hired as of a late and the paper’s research appears to confirm Mort’s report. Every single one of the coaches hired doesn’t have a hairstyle anything like Rob Ryan’s majestic and magnificent hairdo. I mean look at it up there. He looks like a Norse god or something.

Then again, as far as the Post’s intrepid research is concerned, no other NFL coach — including those who have been passed over for current NFL head coach job openings — have a hairstyle similar to Ryan’s. So, is it the hair, or something else? Maybe it’s his brash personality. But he’s just like twin brother Rex, and somehow, Rex kept his job with the New York Jets.

Whatever it is, it’s reasonable to suspect that if Ryan were given the chance to interview for a head coaching job and an NFL team executive were stodgy enough to bring up the topic of his hair, odds are Ryan would say he’d be more than willing to cut his hair…

But to quote Stephen Malkmus and company: “Do you think it’s gonna make him change?” He’d just be a boy with a new haircut (And that’s a pretty nice haircut).

Okay, enough 90s nostalgia for now.