Sportress of Blogitude

Rob Gronkowski unclear on what constitutes a superpower, says he’d want a time machine


During an interview with Scott Zolak, New England Patriots tight end and resident blockhead Rob Gronkowski espoused on what superpower he’d like to have if he could have any one.

Gronk’s response, aired on 98.5 The Sports Hub’s Toucher and Rich radio show, establishes without a modicum of doubt that the dullard of a football player is not only unclear on what constitutes a superpower, but also how the luxuries of modern transportation can get a person from Point A to Point B with relative ease and a minimum of time.

The exchange on superpowers between Gronkowski and Zolak, as transcribed by Deadspin (audio can be heard here):

Zolak: If you could have a superpower, what would that one superpower be?

Gronk: Man, like, a time machine.

Zolak: You could be invisible…

Gronk: Does time machine count?

Zolak: Yeah, let’s do it. We could build a time machine right here.

Gronk: Like, if I could just be like, “I want to be in Florida right now,” and then boom, I’m in Florida.

Zolak: That’d be more like a transporter, like…

Gronk: Yeah, is that a superpower?

Yeesh. I think Gronk may have caused a ripple in the space-time continuum with that ridiculous response.

Yes, Zolak is indeed correct, it sounds like Gronk is talking about a transporter more than he is a time machine. Hasn’t Gronkowski ever watched “Star Trek” or, uh, pretty much any other science fiction show or movie?

Further, the Pats tight end does realize that there are things called “airplanes” that could get him to Florida in a relatively short amount of time. Sure, it wouldn’t be as quick as “then boom, I’m in Florida,” as Gronk puts it, but it nevertheless  would get him there pretty quickly.

Thankfully, Zolak didn’t ask him about something as complex as say, if Gronkowski could have one wish, what would it be? Odds are he’d say, “I’d want to be in Florida right now” when everybody knows the correct answer is, “Time machine.”