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College Football

Seventeen magazine’s feature, ‘The Hottest College Football Players,’ is hilarious


Not to let the cat out of the bag and play the spoiler for you readers out there who are still eagerly waiting for the latest issue of Seventeen to show up in your mailbox, but the magazine has tabbed Alabama Crimson Tide quarterback A.J. McCarron (above with gal pal Katherine Webb) as the hottest college football player in all the land in its recent aptly named feature, “The Hottest College Football Players!”

While I will make no attempt to dispute the accuracy of the magazine’s list of the 25 hottest college football players, as I am not schooled in the qualities that make one college football player hotter than another, I will, however, make note of some of the hilarious ways in which Seventeen characterizes the off-the-field qualities that make the players that made the list so darn hot.

As mentioned above, A.J. McCarron was ranked as this year’s hottest hottie to ever hottily (?) play college football, but he’s only referred to as “Hottie AJ.” Seventeen saved the amusing comments for players further on down the list.

  • C.J. Mosley, Alabama Crimson Tide: “Totally hot”
  • Drew Allen, Syracuse Orange: “…who cares who he plays for when he looks that hot?!”
  • Anthony Barr, UCLA Bruins: “And…that smile!”
  • Drew Alleman, LSU Tigers: “Could he be any hotter?”
  • Braxton Miller, Ohio State Buckeyes: “We think he deserves a school record for hotness!”
  • Blake Bortles, UCF Knights: And: Those. Arms.”
  • Logan Thomas, Virginia Tech Hokies: “It doesn’t hurt that he’s also super cute!”

Okay, I think you get the gist of it. O-M-G.

[Seventeen Magazine, H/T @LostLettermen]