Sportress of Blogitude

Fan writes letter to Pelicans, claims he’s better than ‘Kobie,’ will play for $1M (pic)


An unhinged goofball savvy self-promoter recently penned a poorly-executed, handwritten letter, rife with grammatical errors, in which he offers the New Orleans Pelicans his services to the team for the reasonable sum of a $1 million annual salary.

Seems ludicrous, right? And as far as the poor penmanship and grammar, would the Pelicans be paying him a million bucks per season to pen intelligent, coherent and well-written correspondences that is done in legible handwriting or are they going to pay him to play basketball? Exactly?

But you may be asking yourself: What are this guy’s credentials? Is he good enough to crack an NBA roster? Further, if he does have NBA-caliber talent, why isn’t he playing pro ball, regardless of level?

Any concerns about this man’s balling ability are quickly put to rest courtesy of the letter written by the man himself, in which he writes in part that he is better than, in his words,  “KD LeBron James MJ Kobie Bryant.”

If that’s the case, and he’s better than Kevin Durant, LeBron James, Michael Jordan and “Kobie” (Kobe) Bryant? Talk about a steal and a major coup by the Pelicans organization.

Courtesy of the Twitter account of writer Jim Eichenhofer:


As transcribed by Bleacher Report:

How would you like a 1 mill a year superstar better than KD LeBron James MJ Kobie Bryant. I am serious Im top notch. I haven’t played in 5 years and can do it all. Need to practice I am rusty. I am 6’3 to 6’5 can do shot’s block post pass defend rebound steal run do it all. Come get in touch I’ll be top of the nba in two years. Im want only 1 mill for like a year. At least come get me trian me one year. Phone (redacted) ??? (redacted). Im what you need for toatel suscses. I play hurt sick and still win. See ya.

See ya, indeed.

Man, the Pelicans better sign this guy toot sweet before he grows tired of the team’s hesitance, pulls his exclusive offer to the team and begins to market his services to other NBA squads. Although I’m not sure they Lakers would sign him. Like Dwight Howard, this guy might be unwilling to play second fiddle to “Kobie.”