Sportress of Blogitude

Shane Battier believes eating turd sandwiches makes ribeyes taste better?


“I could eat a turd sandwich this big.”

During the Miami Heat’s triumphant and convincing Game 7 win over the Indiana Pacers in the Eastern Conference Finals, Shane Battier’s name in the box score received the dreaded “DNP-Coach’s Decision” treatment. Battier was the only player on the Heat roster to suffer such an indignity in Game 7, but a horrible shooting slump prompted head coach Erik Spoelstra to limit Battier’s minutes in Game 5 and Game 6, culminating in Battier never leaving the bench in the deciding Game 7.

So, how does Battier feel about it? Not great, but not terribly bad, either. You see, it made him real unhappy while his unceremonious benching was occurring, but in retrospect he feels “okay” about it now. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have…

Well, Battier could have simply made a reference to the “Facts of Life” theme song and been done with it, but the Heat player opted to go in an entirely unnecessary and nasty direction.

Something to do with eating turd sandwiches and ribeyes, to be specific.

Said Battier, according to a report filed by USA TODAY Sports’ Jeff Zillgitt, after the reporter caught up with the Heat forward during Wednesday’s practice.

“[…] Obviously as a competitor, it was tough. I’m not going to lie. It was maybe the toughest thing I’ve gone through as a competitor. Super happy for my team and my teammates.

“In retrospect, it’s OK today. Every now and then you’ve got to eat a turd sandwich. You eat a turd sandwich and that ribeye tastes really good next time. That’s life. That’s the way I look at it.”

Wait. Is Battier saying he eats turd sandwiches for lunch and that makes a ribeye for dinner taste so much better? Or is the turd sandwich and ribeye eaten for the same meal on concurrent days? Because if you ask me, it would take at least a full day to regain my appetite and get over the fact that I had eaten a turd sandwich.

Or maybe Battier was just employing a metaphorical device — albeit in a completely gross way — to articulate his feelings about playing versus not playing. Yeah, that’s probably the case.

[H/T Ball Don’t Lie]