Valuing his man parts, Jordany Valdespin vows to wear a cup, says, ‘I am scared’

However surprising it might be to learn, New York Mets utility man Jordany Valdespin is changing his tune and making an adjustment to the customary equipment he wears on the field, telling reporters on Wednesday that he has every intention of wearing a protective cup while playing from this day forward.

Obviously, it is impossible to know exactly why Valdespin has changed his mind. But somehow, I suspect it had something to do with getting drilled in the groin by a 94-mph fastball from Detroit Tigers ace Justin Verlander. Hard projectiles thrown at high speeds that drill you directly in the groin, causing one to grab one’s own man party while writing in agony while writhing in excruciating pain in the dirt can have that kind of an effect on a man, I guess. Not entirely shocking, really.

As reported by the New York Daily News, Valdespin, who laughed off the scary incident afterward, has had an epiphany of sorts related to concern over the long-term health of his manhood, said, “I never used (a cup), now I will,” before adding, “I’ll wear it all the time.”