Sportress of Blogitude

Bryce Harper appears to be rocking red contact lenses (photo)

No, Washington Nationals outfielder Bryce Harper is not really tired or been possessed by the devil, nor has he crossed over and become a vampire or werewolf or zombie or some other member of the undead, no no need to sharpen up a wooden stake, arm yourself with holy water or arm yourself with silver bullets, etc.

Also, Harper is definitely not baked out of his gourd and in dire need of the chemical relief provided by the healing and whitening qualities of potassium chloride and tetrahydrozoline hydrochloride, the active ingredients found in a bottle of Visine. It’s also unlikely he’s still so mad about a St. Louis sports columnist asking him if he felt overanxious that his blood is boiling.

Nope. Harper is wearing red contacts, and the most logical theory appears to be that players have previously worn red contacts during day games to help them to combat the visually impairing effects of the sun, so Harper is giving it a crack. Makes sense, I’m sure, although I’m too lazy to look into it.

But if you ask me, wearing red contact lenses would have a similar effect to what happened to Kramer because of the giant red sun in the shape of a chicken that was erected across from his window by the Kenny Rogers Roasters restaurant. Rods and cones being all screwed up and whatnot.