Sportress of Blogitude

For them to poop on: Broncos fans having issues with pigeon droppings (video)

Some Denver Broncos fans attending games at Sports Authority Field at Mile High have been dealing with a most unsettling and dreadfully unsanitary annoyance while sitting in their seats: Pigeons have been pooping on them.

According to reports, pigeons have nested in the overhang above Section 306 and have apparently been relieving themselves on unsuspecting fans seated below in what can only be termed as the “Poop Drop Zone.”

Comments from several fans indicate that while stadium officials have made attempts to rectify the issue in the past, such as installing a plastic owl in an effort to spook the pooping pigeons away, the droppings have once again began to, not surprisingly, interfere with fans’ enjoyment of the game. Side note: Any chance the fake owl is Woodsy Owl, with a message attached reading, “Give a hoot, don’t go poop”? Because that would be funny, since, you know, pigeons can’t read.

One fan, Allison Harden, said things came to a head during the Denver Broncos game against the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday night, when she says a group of people were pooped on, with one person receiving hell from above as many as four times.

“There were some people messing around behind me and someone grabbed my shirt,” Allison said. “I found out a pigeon had pooped on the back of my shirt.”

After reporting the issue to stadium personnel, Harden said that she was told by an employee that the bird-pooping menace has been going on for years. It reached such a point that some folks in the section began using towels as head covers and popcorn bags were used to cover drinks, lest a pigeon with deadly accuracy turn their beverages into a poo-poo cocktail.

Allison Harden added that tickets for the seats she and her husband Tim sit in go for $250. Not only that, Tim correctly pointed out that bird droppings coming into contact with food and beverages is a “health issue.”

Andy Gorchov, General Manager of Stadium Management Company, the outfit that runs the stadium, issued the following statement:

“We strive to ensure that all fans have a positive experience during Broncos games, and their safety and comfort is our No. 1 priority. Unfortunately, outdoor stadiums do sometimes have issues with birds.

“When these circumstances occur, our stadium staff is instructed to respond immediately and resolve the situation in the most timely and appropriate manner possible. We encourage all guests to contact us if they have an unpleasant experience at our stadium to allow us to provide the absolute highest level of service to them.”

Fair enough, but what should be expected of stadium staff during the middle of a football game when fans are being pooped on by pigeons? Scale the walls up into the rafters and politely ask the pigeons to stop pooping? This seems to be more of an issue that should be dealt with long before fans take their seats. How about some exterminators? Maybe unleash a bunch of hawks and eagles on the pigeons, which, more or less, are just flying rats.

This entire situation reminds me a lot of the Alfred Hitchcock classic, The Birds. Just with a lot of pooping going on instead of ruthless bird attacks, human bloodshed and death. Otherwise, pretty much the same thing.

Still, do you see what happens? Do you see what happens when a team trades away Tim Tebow? God’s creatures will respond in kind, wreaking fecal havoc upon the heads, drinks and snacks of the team’s fans.