Sportress of Blogitude

Blatant Homerism

Jared Allen might be developing something of a man crush on Adrian Peterson

Vikings running back Adrian Peterson, currently rehabbing after knee surgery, may be disappointed right now because it appears he will have to begin training camp on the Active/PUP list, but at least he can take solace — and perhaps even be flattered — in light of the recent comments made by teammate Jared Allen, who made no bones about the intense jealousy he feels when taking a gander at the running back’s enviable physique.

Answering whether or not he feels Peterson will have any trouble regaining his dominant form after suffering a devastating injury late last season, tearing both his ACL and MCL in his left knee during a game against the Washington Redskins on Dec. 26, here’s what the formerly mulleted sackmaster had to say:

“I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s going to be hard at all. He is a man-child. He is a manimal.”

A.D.’s “manimal” status has evoked a tinge of resentfulness and a pang of envy in Allen, who complained about how easy it is for Peterson to maintain his impressive physique:

“That dude, I was just watching him run at minicamp, and that dude has got muscles on top of muscles, and he eats like two quarts of Cold Stone a day. I have one bite of pizza and I put 13 pounds on. It’s just ridiculous. This guy’s got 2 percent body fat, shredded. I’m leaving my shirt on at the pool. It sucks.”

While Allen’s feelings are understandable in light of the fact that Peterson is an unbelievable physical specimen, it’s not like the defensive end, who recorded 22 sacks last season, is no slouch, either. Further, no matter how impressive Peterson looks, it remains to be seen what kind of effect a horrible knee injury will have upon his otherworldly ability on the gridiron.

But yeah, I know how it goes. No, not what Allen is saying, about how weight seems to pile on no matter how disciplined one is in their diet. Nope. Much more like how people seem to always feel the need to express bitter jealously at my god-like body and how no matter what I do, I always look phenomenal.

And if you believe that load of garbage, may I interest you in buying in on my timeshare in the Everglades?