Sportress of Blogitude


Have Your Own Private B-Ball Poop Party With The Slam Dunk Toilet Basketball Set!

If you’re anything like me, you have undoubtedly grown increasingly tired with each passing bowel movement of having to spend your time on the toilet solely reading the newspaper, an old issue of Reader’s Digest, or, in a pinch (heh), the back of a toothpaste bottle snatched out of the bathroom drawer. Like George Costanza, who finds the soothing pastoral images of French Impressionist painting conducive to the act, most folks — I believe, save for those speed poopers who are in and out of the john so fast you wonder if they even had time to wash their hands afterward — need something to read to occupy their minds while sitting on the pot and to be honest, the tried and true tools of the throne have become old and stagnant, like unflushed toilet water.

But do not fret, happier days — and cheerier bathroom sessions — are on the horizon, thanks to the Slam Dunk Toilet Basketball Set! Now, one is no longer resigned to simply sitting prone on the pot with something to read in their hands as one does their business. Instead, why not make your alone time in the bathroom your private b-ball potty party?

For the low price of $19.99, turn your commode into a front row seat to a thrilling game of sit-down basketball where you are the prime-time pooping player. If the genius of this product wasn’t good enough, the description of it is amusing in its own right, so have a look below.

Ha. Nice photo. Is that a look of shame on the guy’s face or steely eyed determination. Hard to say. Even more difficult to ascertain is if it is a look of steely eyed determination, which act is requiring the guy’s total concentration?

On to the description, via (by way of Off the Bench):

Slam Dunk Toilet Basketball! – The perfect gift for sports lovers looking to practice their aim in private!

Simply attach the net to the back of your bathroom door or wherever is convenient, secure the ball holder within reach of your loo and slam dunk your way through your time on the throne!

Both the net and the ball holder come with suckers attached, so fixing them to your bathroom walls couldn’t be easier – there’re no messy drill holes to worry about and if you want to keep your toilet basketball habit to yourself, you can remove them faster than your imaginary fans can shout “WHAT A DUNK!”

Complete with three soft mini basketballs, a fold-out mat in the shape of a teeny-weeny basketball court, and a wall-hung ball holder and net, you’ve got everything you need to become a basketball pro while sitting on the potty!

No messy drill holes? And sorry, the words “teeny-weeny” should never be uttered when describing a scene during which a man has his pants at his ankles. Yowsers. Talk about painting a vulgar picture.

And here are the product features:

  • Includes basketball net, 3 balls, a mat, and a ball holder
  • Brilliant for passing time whilst on the loo
  • Great conversation starter
  • Never again will you be bored in the bathroom.

Okay, first question: what happens after you exhaust your supply of three basketballs? Are you supposed to go retrieve them? Because if so, that’s gross.

Secondly, I’m sorry, but there might not be a worse conversation starter than a basketball hoop in your bathroom. To wit:

Bill: Hey Jim, nice place. Say, could I use your bathroom?
Jim: Sure thing, Bill. That reminds me, check out this super-cool setup I got: it’s a basketball hoop you can practice your shooting skills with while taking a dump! Here, give it a shot! (puts one of the germ-ridden basketballs in Bill’s hands)
Bill: (declines, drops ball to the floor, frantically looks for hand sanitizer)

 Yeah, probably a habit a person would like to keep private. Thank goodness for the attached suckers!