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Sportress of Blogitude

Hockey

Minor League Hockey Team Offers Kris Humphries Job With Organization

Given the free agent isn’t now under contract with any NBA team, The American Hockey League’s Syracuse Crunch, the minor-league affiliate of the NHL’s Anaheim Ducks, thought it would be a nice gesture — not to mention a nice bit of publicity for the team to boot — to offer poor Kris Humphries a job within the organization.

From the Crunch’s web site (via Puck Daddy):

Humphries, a native of hockey hotbed Minnesota, saw his life and marriage to Kardashian become a running national joke during his regular appearance on the E Network’s ‘Keeping up the Kardashians’ popular reality series.

“We would welcome Kris Humphries to Syracuse, where unlike Hollywood there are no paparazzi within hundreds of miles and he could reclaim his privacy and self-esteem,” said Syracuse Crunch General Manager Vance Lederman. “Being from Minnesota, Humphries will surely enjoy the hockey and feel right at home in the cold, gray, dismal weather we experience this time of year in Central New York.”

Jeez, way to sell the exotic location of Syracuse. And as a Minnesotan, I take great offense to the way this Lederman fellow characterizes the wonderful weather we enjoy here during the winter months — it may be cold and gray, but it certainly is not dismal. It also keeps the riffraff out, kind of like how people from Seattle have tricked people into thinking it rains there all the time.

Yet I have to agree with Lederman’s assertion that being a native Minnesotan guarantees that Humphries is a hockey fan: if you’re not and “They” find out, you’re banished to North Dakota.

Anyway, according to the release, the team will allow Humphries access to their “state of the art training facility,” not to mention a certified personal trainer will be available to Humphries “as he attempts to earn a spot with a NBA team.” Let’s hope for the best, right? The guy deserves a break and spending a month or two in Syracuse is far better than being married to that hump-butted hussy.

The Crunch’s fan base will also have an opportunity to get in on the action, as the team is selling six-packs of tickets to games on Dec. 16 and Dec. 17 for $72, a nod to the length of Humphries’ union with Kim Kardashian. Once again, far better than being married to that hump-butted hussy.