Sportress of Blogitude

Press Release: Former NBA Superstar Will Coach Rick’s Cabaret Stripper Basketball Team

The following press release just appeared in my inbox and since it is about as NBA-related as anything is going to get given the lockout, not to mention it announces that a supposedly “former National Basketball Association superstar” will be coaching Rick’s Cabaret’s Stripper Basketball Team (no that’s something you don’t type every day), I thought I’d pass it along:

Rick’s Cabaret/New York Will Announce Its Stripper Basketball Team Coach Tuesday November 29th

NEW YORK CITY – (Nov. 23, 2011) – A former National Basketball Association superstar has agreed to become the first coach of the newly formed Rick’s Basketball Association, comprised of teams made up of dancers at the Rick’s Cabaret group of gentlemen’s clubs. The new coach will be introduced at a press conference at noon on Tuesday November 29th at Rick’s Cabaret/New York City.

The topless dancers from the Rick’s Cabaret group of gentlemen’s clubs announced recently they had formed their own basketball league to try to take up some of the slack as the National Basketball Association negotiations bogged down. Rick’s Cabaret International, Inc. (NASDAQ:RICK), is the publicly traded group of 23 upscale gentlemen’s clubs that are popular with pro athletes and their fans.

Dancers from Rick’s Cabaret/New York City have already been outfitted with sexy new uniforms, but until this week they were without a coach. Their new mentor is expected to whip them into shape to compete against teams from the company’s other clubs. The first game is expected to be against Rick’s Cabaret/Minneapolis, followed by a match with the girls from Tootsie’s Cabaret in Miami and other Rick’s Cabaret locations around the country. The league schedule will be announced in January.

“People will be amazed when we tell them who our coach is, because he was one of the great players in the NBA” said Gianna, a player for the New York team. “The girls are really excited. We’re practically busting out of our tops! We plan to give him a really warm welcome on Tuesday.”

“I hear he’s going to have us do a workout on Tuesday in front of the press,” said Sky, the point guard for the team. “I can’t wait to show off some of my moves!”

Ha. The girls are practically busting out of their tops in their excitement. How very droll. Instead, how about “The girls are very excited. We never thought taking this job to pay our way through college would give us the opportunity to play in a Stripper Basketball League and have a coach that’s a former NBA superstar player who most definitely has a deeply-held admiration for the stripping arts!” Maybe that’s taking it a little too far. Oh well.

But who — who I ask — could this former NBA superstar be? Any ideas? Thoughts? Theories? If I were a betting man, I would venture to guess that it very well could be Patrick Ewing. Just a hunch.