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The National Hot Dog & Sausage Council Has Chimed In On Tiger’s Wiener Incident

Finally, like a beacon shining through the dark, dank and greasy world which features the fearless flinging of frankfurters, the National Hot Dog & Sausage Council has emerged as a perfectly steamed ray of hope, as it has issued a statement formally condemning the deplorable actions of Brandon Kelly and his egregious misuse of a hot dog as an improvised weapon of mass consumption. Er, destruction.

The sternly-worded statement issued Oct. 10, in its entirety (via Waggle Room):

Washington, D.C.– The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council today declared an act of violence against Tiger Woods that involved a hot dog ‘reprehensible.’

“The use of an iconic food in an act of violence against an iconic golfer like Tiger Woods is reprehensible — and a violation of hot dog etiquette.  Some might call the thrower a ‘wiener,’ but we’d say that’s too high a compliment,” said Council President Janet Riley .   Hot dogs are meant to be enjoyed – not weaponized.”

For more information about proper hot dog etiquette, visit

Reprehensible, indeed. Thank you, National Hot Dog & Sausage Council for your unique, knowledgeable and much-needed perspective on the ethical quandary we humans find ourselves in when one of our own wields a wiener as a weapon. And Council President Janet Riley: truer words have never been spoken. Because of this newly-realized clarity, I will never refer to a person with a wanton disregard for appropriate hot dog etiquette as a “wiener” ever again. Consider this casing closed. Er, case. Sorry, all of a sudden, I’m really hungry and have a hankering for some Vienna Beef. Yum.

National Hot Dog and Sausage Council Calls Tiger Woods Hot Dog Incident ‘Reprehensible’ and a Violation of Hot Dog Etiquette  [National Hot Dog & Sausage Council (via Waggle Room)]