Sportress of Blogitude

This Nightmare Fuel Will Start Up Every Time A Miami Marlins Player Hits A Home Run

Dear Lord, what in the heck is that thing? Thanks to the intrepid investigative work performed by Grant Brisbee at SB Nation, it has been uncovered that the above monstrosity you see is a rendering of a sculpture that will allegedly be placed out beyond the center field wall at the Miami Marlins new ballpark starting next season. There’s no way around it : it’s…disturbing.

Sure, the Marlins’ new logo is terrible, but the aquarium behind home plate will be pretty cool, but the Home Run Celebrating Disaster Contraption certainly tips the scales in the direction of fail. And even worse? It’s mechanized and will supposedly move and emit noises. Seriously.

Video of how the sculpture might appear in action follows.

Here is a close approximation of how it will appear:

Wow. I’m pretty sure even Timothy Leary while in the throes of a massive LSD trip could come up with that thing. But seriously, the thing is the brainchild of some artist named Red Grooms, and lending some credence to the likelihood that this concept is all too real, the following was reported on MLB.com back in 2009:

Grooms is designing a spectacular signature home run feature that will be in the center-field area. Originally from Nashville, Tenn., Grooms now lives in New York. His display will incorporate water, lasers, sound effects and caricatures of Marlins.

Insane. You know, I’ve never put these two oft-used phrases together, but I can think of no better way to describe that thing: Bad Idea Nightmare Fuel.

The New Miami Marlins Logo Is No Longer The Worst Thing Ever [SB Nation]