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Quench Your Thirst For Rick Reilly Haterade By Watching Him Eat Stuff Off The Floor

That. Is. Awesome.

I know what you’re thinking: “Other than being a degenerate freak, why would ESPN’s resident hack columnist Rick Reilly willingly eat discarded foodstuffs off some mangy carpet?” First of all, you are correct in saying that Rick Reilly is a degenerate freak. Secondly, to answer your question, he essentially backed himself into a corner through which he was forced to lie down on a patch of gross carpet littered with popcorn by writing the following regarding Peyton Manning’s troublesome neck issues back on Aug. 30:

Peyton Manning will keep his streak alive. If you think he’s going to miss a start because of a neck problem, you’ve been chugging paint thinner. This guy hasn’t missed a start since 1994 at Tennessee. Do you know how long ago it was when Manning didn’t start for the Colts? Google was two days old. Kim Kardashian was 17. Russell Crowe was skinny! If Manning doesn’t start Game 1, I will come to your house and eat things that are stuck in your carpet.

That’s what he gets for trying to be so damn clever with his writing. Hopefully, Reilly will continue on to write his hackneyed columns in which he makes statements that require him to do more disgusting things for our collective amusement.

[H/T @richarddeitsch (via Sports Grid)]