Sportress of Blogitude

(Video) The Onion Wins The Internets With This Ben Roethlisberger ‘Report’

Sure, Comedy Central canceled Onion Sportsdome (and sadly, Sports Show with Norm MacDonald – sigh), but that does not mean the Onion Sports Network is incapable of razor-sharp sports-related satire. The most recent foray involves a new weekly video series called Get Out Of My Face (or GOOMF), which is a parody of ESPN’s Pardon The Interruption.

To wit, this video report on the Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback, entitled: “Ben Roethlisberger Close To Completing Offseason Without Committing Sex Crime.” So wrong, but so good.

Enjoy the video. It follows below.

Ben Roethlisberger Close To Completing Offseason Without Committing Sex Crime

Awesome. Some highlights from the back-and-forth, for those of you who cannot watch the video at the present moment:

  • “This Sunday, the Steelers take on the Ravens meaning that Big Ben Roethlisberger almost made it through the entire offseason without raping anyone.”
  • “Why are we even talking about this? He’s going to rape someone.”
  • Give the man some credit he’s gone the past seven months having only consensual intercourse with sex workers and his wife.
  • “The proof is in the numbers, Kenny. Ben Roethlisberger has the same number of sexual assaults as Matt Ryan and Tim Tebow this offseason.
  • “I wouldn’t put it past Roethlisberger to rape a Ravens player right on the field.”

Gold, Jerry. Gold.