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Wake N’ Blog: Woman Receives Bill For Court-Ordered Body Cavity Search

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• Jeez, the least they could have done was take her out for a nice meal first, but no. A New Mexico woman received a $1,122 hospital bill after a court order forced her to be subjected to a body cavity search because police suspected she was hiding heroin in the unholiest of holies. The search turned up no narcotics, so why should she have to pay for such an uncomfortable violation? Beats me, I’m just glad it happened to someone else. [msnbc]

• Was the design of Maryland’s new helmets stolen from a roller derby team? [Larry Brown Sports]

• Stephen Strasburg made his triumphant return to the big leagues in what will commonly be known as “The Debut II.” [Big League Stew]

• Kevin Durant’s massive back tattoo is certainly something. [The Basketball Jones]

• Good God! David Beckham encountered one frightening sea creature while spending the day at the beach. [Off the Bench]

• Good news, fellas: super attractive javelin(ist?) Leryn Franco is single! [Busted Coverage]

• Douchey baseball players make cameos on douchey show. [It’s Always Sunny In Detroit]

• Alex Ovechkin has signed an endorsement deal with Bauer. [Russian Machine Never Breaks]

• Poor, poor Tiki Barber. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The Onion Headline of the Day: CEO’s Marital Duties Outsourced To Mexican Groundskeeper