Sportress of Blogitude

The Pittsburgh Steelers/Steely McBeam Pillow Pet Is Straight Up Nightmare Fuel

Dear God. That is frightening.

Anybody with kids (or a troubling affinity for children’s toys) is well aware of Pillow Pets. Typically, the standard issue Pillow Pet is a puppy, or kitty, or a ladybug. You know, cute, cuddly creatures, not sinister-looking NFL mascots that present the chilling, foreboding impression that they come alive when you are asleep and terrorize your family.

For those of you unaware of the Steelers’ mascot, Steely McBeam was introduced prior to the 2007 season as part of the team’s commemoration of its 75th anniversary. His nightmare fuel likeness retails for $29.99, and here’s the misleading description of this abomination on the Pillow Pets’ website:

A super-soft chenille plush folding stuffed animal. So cuddly you’ll never want to put it down! Starts out as your pal, then un-velcro its belly, and it quickly becomes your pillow.

Cuddly? I think not. Unless cuddly now means, “Brings about the need for intense, post-traumatic psychotherapy.”

I have to say, the Pittsburgh Steelers, for some reason or another, have cornered the market on nightmare-inducing products that I assume are not intended to be frightening, but courtesy of some shortsighted decision by the creators, will fill young Pittsburgh Steelers fans with dread straight though adolescence. Just a few weeks ago, it was this disturbing Troy Polamalu doll, now comes along the Steely McBeam Pillow Pet. What do Steelers fans have against their children that causes companies to come up with these kind of products? Obviously, there must be a market for these dreadful creations. What have these children done?

Additional photo, if you think you can handle it, follows.