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Cyclist Reveals That ‘Severe Groin Injury’ Is Actually A Hole In His Scrotum

Dear. Lord. Like you, before today, I have never heard nor have I ever read the name Tom Boonen, but from this point forward, for the rest of my life, if I ever hear it or read it or even think of it again, I will shift uncomfortably and thank the heavens I have never suffered the cruel fate which has so tragically befallen the Belgian cyclist.

You see, Boonen was racing in a time trial Monday in extreme heat during the Tour of Spain when he suffered what was reported as a “severe groin injury,” which apparently was “caused by friction from his cycling shorts and his saddle.” It turns out the three seemingly innocuous words “severe groin injury” do nothing to adequately describe the horror of what actually happened to the poor bastard: the friction alluded to somehow caused a hole to develop in his scrotum.

Dear. Lord.

From Universal Sports (via Off the Bench):

“I suffer from an injury to the scrotum,” Boonen said in Het Nieuwsblad, as reported by Cyclingnews.com. “The extreme heat and excessive sweating caused a heavy irritation in that area. There is a hole. It is not the first time that I have suffered in this place, but never as bad as now.”

Boonen said Tuesday’s off day was a welcome break and it allowed team doctor Toon Cruyt to better treat the injured area.

“I got a ‘second skin,’ and glued it at times to a kind of diaper,” Boonen said. “The perineum, the area between the scrotum and the anus, is simply the most delicate part of the body.”

Gluing a second skin to a kind of diaper? Sweet merciful crap. I have no idea what that means and frankly, I don’t want to.

Fellas, when you go to bed tonight, thank your lucky stars you have never had to go through what this guy did. And even if he is not a religious man, let us hope that Boonen will receive some sort of universal karmic payback from the gods for the terrifying and extremely painful ordeal he had to endure. Mercy.

Boonen suffering from severe groin injury at Vuelta a Espana [Universal Sports (via Off the Bench)]