Sportress of Blogitude

Rants

Rant: If I See This Damn Old Navy Superfan Nation Commercial One More Time…

Well, I don’t know exactly what I’ll do. Gouge my eyes and eardrums out with a letter opener, perhaps? It’s just…a horrible, rage-inducing, blood-curdling thirty seconds of awfulness is what it is. How dare Old Navy bastardize the Night Ranger classic, “Sister Christian” in such a wholly inappropriate manner? “Sister Christian” is without a doubt the best tune to feature the drummer as lead vocalist, with “What I Like About You” by The Romantics and every hit from The Carpenters rounding out the top of the list. What about “Beth” by KISS, you ask? How dare you?

Back to “Sister Christian”: the song deserves so much better than having a bunch of blank-eyed, soulless models (but they look really artificially happy like they are on a double-dose of Gleemonex or something – Happiness Pie, anyone?) butchering it with parodied lines like “He brought pizza, he’s alright.” Dammit. Ooh, I get it, the people holding the garage party are Alabama fans and the guy pulling up on some kind of Tiger-themed motorbike is an Auburn fan but since he brought some Domino’s, they’ll set aside their differences to nosh on some ‘za. And believe me, the pizza is coming with extra cheese. Guh.

Go to hell, Old Navy. Your commercials, leading up to and including this one, are the suckiest bunch of suck that has ever sucked.