Sportress of Blogitude

Purchasing This Troy Polamalu Doll Could Very Well Result In Your Grisly Death

Egad! That thing is certifiably terrifying. And while stating that purchasing this frightening doll which bears a minor, albeit spooky, resemblance to the Pittsburgh Steelers superstar safety could result in brutal murder by tiny, demonic, felt hands might be kind of a stretch, it is safe to say that gazing upon this creation right before bedtime will definitely result in bad dreams. I’m talking about soul-stealing nightmare fuel.

From Etsy (via PSAMP):

Number 43 — Big velvet Hair, warm felt eyes, squeezable, throwable and all around the second-cuddliest Troy Polamalu around.

I made him from repurposed felt, velvet, and fleece — hand designed, and then sewn by machine & hand too. He stands about a foot and half tall, and is stuffed full of the bounciest polyfill.

He’s durable, sweet, handmade, and ready to sit through a sure-to-be-victorious Superbowl!

The cost for the “second-cuddliest Troy Polamalu around” “who is ready to sit through a sure-to-be-victorious, um, Superbowl”? Twenty-nine smackeroos, plus shipping and handling, of course.

I appreciate that the artist behind the stitched creation of Troy Polamalu Nightmare Fuel Doll made the dolls out of re-purposed felt, velvet and fleece (the fact that it was created through the use of spare parts kind of makes it a distant cousin to Frankenstein’s Monster, only not reanimated – yet), I don’t know, man, it’s just far too creepy for my tastes. As far as terrifying dolls are concerned, I’d place this bad boy right between the clown doll from Poltergeist and Susan Ross’ doll that bore an eerie resemblance to Estelle Costanza.