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Wake N’ Blog: Here’s Another Story About A Guy Getting A DWI On A Lawnmower

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• These stories never get old. Perry Weaver, 52, was schnockered and riding his lawnmower along the shoulder of Burkhardt Road in Lexington, North Carolina at about 8:45 p.m. when he drifted into the road and got struck by a vehicle. The impact of the collision threw Weaver off his mower causing him to be struck by another vehicle. Weaver’s injuries were not deemed to be serious and while it was unclear whether Weaver was actually mowing or driving somewhere, what did he receive for getting struck by not one, but two cars? A DWI charge. Ouch. [msnbc]

• Ouch again: Carlos Ruiz is out with a bruised testicle. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Sean Avery has been cleared in the LAPD battery incident. [Puck Daddy]

• This Alabama sorority recruitment rap video is terrible, just terrible. [Off the Bench]

• Did President Obama break Rajon Rondo? [The Slanch Report]

• Trampoline Dodgeball? Far freaking out. [Sharapova’s Thigh]

• Why Yahoo! Sports’ takedown of Miami is meaningless. [Pine Riders]

• Check out this tailgating must-have: the ice luge. [Busted Coverage]

• The owner of soccer club Leeds United is a creepy, creepy old man. [Rumors & Rants]

• Luis Ayala screws around shagging flies with a ginormous glove. [Outside the Boxscore]

• Five gift ideas for the college athlete who has everything. [Sports Pickle]

• Awesome: LOLNFL, Preseason Week 1. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

The Onion Headline of  the Day: Report: Apocalypse Actually Happened 3 Years Ago