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Wake N’ Blog: Crazed Buttocks Slasher Terrorizing Female Shoppers In Virginia

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• At least five women have been either slashed or stabbed in the buttocks by an unknown attacker while shopping in Virginia. All the victims are in their late teens or early twenties. From the report: “The attacks began in February, and the most recent one was Monday evening. Police say an 18-year-old woman was inside the Forever 21 store at the Fair Oaks Mall when she was distracted by clothing falling over. She told police she felt a sharp pain in her buttocks and realized she’d been stabbed through her denim shorts with a box cutter or razor.” Well, that’s just a dreadful and disturbing story. Police need to apprehend this guy pronto. No ifs, ands or butts. [azcentral]

• This call at the plate by Jerry Meals in extra innings during a game between the Pirates and Braves could very well be the worst call ever. [Midwest Sports Fans]

• Roberto Alomar stole some dude’s shirt during a Hall of Fame parade. [Off the Bench]

• Kevin Love is playing beach volleyball during the NBA lockout. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Holy crap, there is an Oakland Raiders cheerleader who is a grandma. [Busted Coverage]

• You stay classy, Washington Redskins: team fired official team blogger. [Mr. Irrelevant]

• A reporter asked Andrew Luck a question about his phenomenal beard. [Outside the Boxscore]

• Video of a guy barebacking a basking shark. [Bob’s Blitz]

• Finally, Dwight Howard has been turned into a cartoon. [The Basketball Jones]

• You can actually purchase a Sedin twins combo jersey. [Puck Daddy]

• The Hall of Fame took the easy way out by not shortening the five-year waiting period. [Deuce of Davenport]

• Ten NFL players respond to the end of lockout. [Sports Pickle]

• Some of the funniest Steve Nash videos out there. [Unathletic]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Area Man To Make Fun Of Dancing For A Bit Before Nervously Joining In