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Wake N’ Blog: Woman Attacks Grandson Due To Beef Over Bacon

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• Talk about a crime of passion, am I right? Because any time bacon is involved, at least for me, it’s very personal. Apparently, it also is for 63-year-old Marilee Ann Kolynych of Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania, who assaulted her 9-year-old grandson due to her belief that he ate too much bacon at breakfast and didn’t leave enough for everybody else. According to police, Kolynych knocked her grandson to the ground, pinned him there and beat him on the legs. If that wasn’t enough, she sprayed the boy with the hose. Boy, this woman takes her bacon very seriously. You should see what’s she’s like when sausage links are involved. Ugly. [azcentral]

• Oh, how cute: a love letter from Michael Jordan to some chick from when he was in high school. [Off the Bench]

• DERP! Aaron Rodgers regales Jimmy Kimmel with a story about one time when these photographers were speaking “European.” DERP! [Larry Brown Sports]

• A video welcoming the Winnipeg Jets back in style. [Puck Daddy]

• The new looks old. [Ball Don’t Lie]

• Yeesh. Paychecks for some Los Angeles Dodgers staffers bounced. [Rumors & Rants]

• There very well could be a Wilt Chamberlain postage stamp. [That NBA Lottery Pick]

• Awesome new edition of The Dugout: “Meet the UltraMets.” [With Leather]

• The seven sexiest sports mascots. [Sports Pickle]

• Ha. “At 24, Sharapova fights to stay relevant in masturbatory fantasies.” [TAUNTR]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Local Trailer Park Shatters No Stereotypes