Home Run Derby May Feature A Sweaty, Bloviating Chris Berman In Stunning 3D
At least we can hope. ESPN has announced that once again, the State Farm Home Run Derby component of this season’s All-Star Game festivities will be broadcast in 3D on the aptly named channel, ESPN 3D. The reason that we have to hope we will be able to watch Berman’s hair flipping and flopping and flapping while he barks out “BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK BACK” ad nauseum while he references his notes regarding prominent boulevards and landmarks outside of a three-mile radius around the ballpark so he can make hackneyed references relating to the distance the ball hypothetically traveled is due to the fact that ESPN elected to air last year’s 3D broadcast without Berman. As we all know, he served as host in the standard 2D broadcast format, but last season’s 3D version of the most overwrought, underwhelming MLB All-Star event featured Dan Shulman, Nomar Garciaparra and Aaron Boone. Why would they do that? Why would they prevent us the thrill of seeing Chris Berman in amazing 3D? What’s that? They are trying to protect us? Yeah, right.
Give us our Berman in 3D, ESPN! I want to get the perceptible sensation that beads of Berman perspiration are flying right at me in my living room! Wait. On second thought, maybe I don’t. On third thought, I do not even own a 3D television.