Head-Asploding Headline: Roger Goodell Needs Statistics To Understand The Obvious
Well, it’s good to know that the statistics Roger Goodell is poring over, studying and consequently interpreting, then re-studying for another round of interpretation and when that wasn’t good enough, he went ahead and pored over them again with a fresh set of eyes after he took his daily mid-afternoon break to mutilate a puppy have directed him to the obvious: fans don’t much appreciate the lockout. And not only does he interpret the statistics expertly, he goes ahead and cites them! Genius!
To be perfectly honest, I’m relieved that Goodell arrived at this conclusion courtesy of some hard statistics, not courtesy of some perverted brand of witchcraft whereby Goodell is able to enter the minds of NFL fans and magically extract the information he requires. But you know what? After typing that previous sentence, I’m going to err on the side of caution with this one.
(puts on aluminum foil hat)
Better safe than sorry, right? Try all you want, Roger Goodell, you will not be harvesting my opinions regarding the lockout no matter what kind of spells you invoke, you damn warlock! Not with this impenetrable shield atop my head!
Goodell cites statistics showing fans are turned off by lockout, testing their loyalty to NFL [The Washington Post]