Hoo Boy: Tom Brady Shaves His Armpits
Wow. Alright, man. Enough is enough, Tom Brady. We’ve put up with your dancing, your hair, the crying, your effeminate water slide escapades, the scooter ride, the list goes on and on and, sadly, on. But now, we have evidence that he’s shaving his armpits? Not a good look for a man, Tom Brady. Unless you’re a swimmer. Or an armpit model. Wait, is there such a thing as an armpit model? You know, for deodorants and whatnot? Actually, a male deodorant armpit model should probably have armpit hair so it can be illustrated that the product won’t get all clumpy in the pit hair. At least for the solid stick varieties of deodorant. The clear or gel versions of deodorant, maybe a hairless armpit deodorant model would be beneficial in promoting those particular products. Maybe I’m thinking too much about deodorant here. Huh.
In any event, is it possible that all the aforementioned activities are a sad cry for help from Tom Brady? Is he making subtle pleas to anyone who can hear or see him to rescue him from the world he has created? Have the mannish aspects of his psyche become so emasculated due to his marriage to the fashion forward, style-obsessed Gisele that he’s unconsciously – or even consciously – sending out signals for someone to save him from the hellish existence of runway shows, Carnivale and other fanciful endeavors that he has slowly come to realize have entrapped him and robbed him of any semblance of manhood?
I don’t know, maybe we shouldn’t be so obsessed with whether or not Tom Brady shaves his armpits or wears headbands better suited for women. Perhaps he’s happy with who he is and his life and that should be sufficient enough reason to just leave the guy alone and let him be who he wants to be. He’s a freaking Super Bowl-winning quarterback, for crying out loud, and one of the best to ever play the position. The guy has proven his toughness, both mentally and physically, on countless occasions, who are we to judge? Who cares if he goes a little overboard with his manscaping? By all accounts, he’s a decent man living a decent, albeit slightly odd, lifestyle. Who cares what he does in his personal life? Maybe we should just leave him alone. None of our business, right?
But then I think about that photo of him on the water slide, and I have no choice but to reconsider. C’mon, dude. Enough is enough already.
[H/T Barstool Sports (via Busted Coverage)]