Sportress of Blogitude

Off Topic

Off Topic: Get Me To The Heart Attack Grill For A Quadruple Bypass Burger, Stat!

Sweet Fancy Moses, would you get a look at all that fatty, gluttonous goodness? There’s so much win going on here, I don’t even know where to start. The gargantuan burgers? The fries deep fried in pure lard? Butterfat shakes? Cigarettes? Holy moly, I’m getting a little worked up over here. I am actually ashamed of myself for not being aware of this place earlier than today.

For those of you out there in Internetland living in the Dallas or Chandler, Arizona area, these restaurant testaments to excess are nearby. Wow.

According to its Wikipedia page, founder “‘Dr.’ Jon Basso created the Heart Attack Grill with the declared intent of serving ‘nutritional pornography’, food ‘so bad for you it’s shocking.'” Nutritional pornography. I like that.  Also, any customer who finishes a Triple or Quadruple Bypass Burger are placed in a wheelchair and wheeled out to their vehicle by their “personal nurse,” who, according to some of the videos on the website, are of the slutty nurse variety. Awesomely inappropriate. See, this is what America is all about, people. I’m not saying that it’s right, but it’s the truth. Oh, and according to the restaurant’s website, once you reach 350 pounds, you eat at the Heart Attack Grill for free. Life-threatening, morbid obesity rules!