Sportress of Blogitude

Guh: Troy Tulowitzki Eschews Katy Perry For At-Bat Music, Opts For Justin Bieber

Ever since fans selected Katy Perry’s “Firework” as the at-bat music at Coors Field for Troy Tulowitzki in an online vote by a favorable margin during spring training, the Colorado Rockies shortstop has been in an 0-8 batting slump to start the season. You might recall Tulowitzki as the same fella who was using Miley Cyrus’ “Party In The U.S.A.” as his at-bat music last season. Bearing that in mind, Tulowitzki did what any sensible – or superstitious – ballplayer would do: to break out of his hitting doldrums, he contemplated what to do next and elected to leave the lovely and talented Katy Perry behind and instead turned to the soothing sounds of…

Justin Bieber? What the fungus?

Nick Groke of The Denver Post has the details of how this sad, sad switch was set into action:

Now, with the Dodgers in Denver for a two-game series, Tulo changed his tune. For his first at-bat Tuesday, the shortstop walked up to Justin Bieber’s “Baby.” And, as he had done to “Firework,” Tulo produced a dud, flying out to right field. But in his second at-bat, the change of tunes worked wonders — with a solo homer to left-center.

I’m sorry, but the solo homer does not justify replacing Katy Perry with Justin Bieber. Further Bieber’s “Baby” placed third in the online vote, behind Perry and Ke$ha’s “We R Who We R” (U R? R U + ?). Kids these days. Oh, and the “+” implies “positive,” not “plus.” I think.

Going forward, allow me to present you a very unscientific analysis detailing how Miss Katy Perry, despite the early season slump, is a far better choice.

First, the songs:

Next, the images:

Katy Perry

Justin Bieber

“Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? Alright! Well, see ya later.”

I am pretty confident the unscientific study has sufficiently and convincingly proven my initial hypothesis.

Bieber “Baby” is born to Tulo [The Denver Post]