Sportress of Blogitude

Shoulda Been Taking Steroids: Barry Bonds Trial Delayed Due To Juror’s Gallstones

The Barry Bonds perjury trial which has captivated the nation no one cares about one iota has been unfortunately delayed after a juror called in sick Monday due to an issue with gallstones.

Via The Washington Post:

U.S. District Judge Susan Illston sent the jury home after juror No. 9, a data center engineer for Amazon.com, called in. Illston said the juror’s note said the absence — which she said was for gallstones — would continue for “most likely the rest of the week.” Illston said her clerk will need to “explore with him what his situation is.”

Now, I’m certainly no expert on steroids – or gallstones – or what it’s like to be a data center engineer for Amazon.com, for that matter – but given all we know about steroid use and its effects on the human body, wouldn’t you say had this Juror No. 9 (Number 9, Number 9, Number 9…) been on a steady regimen of performance-enhancing drugs of one kind or another, the gallstones would have surely shrunk, therefore removing any need for a trial delay? You know, like Barry Bonds’ shriveled, misshapen testicles. It’s circular, you see, the entire steroids issue. And not that it was necessary, but I thought it would be wise to spell out that whole shrunken balls-shrinking gallstones comparison for you, given it is a Monday and all, because how often is a person allowed to type the words “”shriveled, misshapen testicles”? Other than when discussing Barry Bonds, of course.

Barry Bonds trial delayed because juror calls in sick [The Washington Post]