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Wake N’ Blog: Trailer Trash Police Blotter – Woman Chokes 71-Year-Old Walmart Greeter

Wake N’ Blog is the Sportress of Blogitude’s morning link dump. Send tips, link submissions, etc. to weedagainstspeed@gmail.com.

• When a woman and her pregnant daughter were asked to show their receipt by an elderly Walmart greeter, 49-year-old Toni Duncan of Ohio responded sensibly and proceeded to hit the old codger with her cart. But it didn’t end there. Obviously feeling that merely running the guy down with her cart wasn’t punishment enough, Duncan grabbed the man by the throat and began choking him. The pregnant daughter, 21-year-old Ashley Jackson, next threatened to blow up the store and informed the greeter that he would be a dead man where her boyfriend heard about what happened. You know, if the old guy didn’t die when she blew up the Walmart. [azcentral]

• Todd Bertuzzi got ejected from last night’s Red Wings-Blackhawks game for this vicious hit on Ryan Johnson. [Puck Daddy]

• Evan Longoria’s AK-47 got stolen, which brings up an interesting question: why does Evan Longoria own an AK-47? [Off the Bench]

• Colombian soccer fans brought a corpse in a casket to a match. Alrighty then. [Larry Brown Sports]

• Everything you need to know about Day 4 of the Barry Bonds trial. [Big League Stew]

• Jose Canseco is a gifted Tweeter. [Midwest Sports Fans]

• Video of an awesome doubles tennis rally. [Sharapova’s Thigh]

• The 2011 Disney Princess half marathon sure looked interesting. [Bob’s Blitz]

• The Bulls’ Taj Gibson is suffering from giant foot syndrome? [The Basketball Jones]

• Ladies and gentlemen, spring training’s fastest beer chug. [It’s Always Sunny In Detroit]

• Is Rory McIlroy golf’s best Tweeter? [Pro Golf Talk]

The Onion Headline of the Day: Man Feels 19 Again After Not Getting Laid