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College Basketball

Clark Kellogg: Charles Barkley Is A Mutated Trampoline-Lion-Orangutan Beast

I’m pretty sure college basketball analyst was trying to pay his new CBS colleague a compliment with the following statement, but what Carl Kellogg said about Charles Barkley’s rebounding acumen during his call of the North Carolina-Washington game certainly came across as somewhat strange (via USA Today): Kellogg said that Sir Charles had the “arms of an orangutan, heart of a lion and bounceability of a trampoline.”

Wait. What?

What kind of mutant freak creature is comprised of two animals and one piece of backyard play equipment? Further, couldn’t Kellogg have simply completed the animal reference trifecta and said that Barkley has the bounceability of a kangaroo or a jackrabbit or something? Saying someone has a characteristic of an inanimate object is just plain weird, man. Well, at least Kellogg didn’t refer to CBS as ESPN, so he has that going for him. I bet Greg Gumbel feels about as sharp as a worn out fingernail clipper right about now. Wait, now I’m doing it. Actually, maybe Kellogg’s description of Barkley as a rebounder makes sense after all. Huh.

Officiating expert on-air is a good call by CBS/Turner [USA Today]