Sportress of Blogitude

University Of Minnesota Mascot, Goldy Gopher, Got Beat Down By An Old Man

Here’s a lesson for all of you aspiring collegiate mascots out there: don’t piss off grumpy old men sitting in the stands at gymnastics meets. If you do elect to take that course of action, you might find yourself knockeddafuggout after said old dude drops you with a roundhouse right.

At least that’s the fate which befell Goldy Gopher (shown above, in happier, GILF-hunting times), the mascot of the University of Minnesota, during a men’s gymnastics meet last Saturday at the school’s Sports Pavilion. According to a report in the university’s newspaper, The Minnesota Daily, Goldy began to get under the skin of one 60-year-old curmudgeonly old coot, Douglas Dokken, and that’s when things got a wee bit out of control. Apparently, according to witness Barry Colthorpe, the last straw appeared to be when Goldy tapped Dokken on the shoulder and ruffled Dokken’s hair. Result: BLAMMO!

Colthorpe said Dokken was ignoring Goldy’s antics, but within a couple of minutes, he snapped, turned around and punched Goldy in the face.

Goldy froze, but within moments of the first punch, Dokken wailed another, forcing Goldy to leave the area.

“I think it was clearly amusing — it’s not something you see every day,” Colthrope, 27, said. “It was just two people fighting, but if one of them is dressed up as a 7-foot gopher, then it’s pretty amusing.”

The report goes on to indicate that Goldy informed his supervisor of the attack and Dokken was promptly arrested once the meet was finished. Police cited the surly old man with disorderly conduct. Dokken has also been banned from the Sports Pavilion for one year. Dokken has indicated he is relieved Goldy was not seriously injured and said, “It was something I deeply regret. It was a moment of temporarily being upset, and I should have just walked out of there.”

Despite the one-year ban, it appears that this ugly situation turned out as best as can be expected. I mean, messing with an old guy’s hair is one thing, imagine if Goldy had succumbed to his gopher instincts and started tearing up the old man’s lawn. Just saying. I mean, that’s worse than a bunch of kids not staying off it, right?

Goldy goes down after weekend fan assault [The Minnesota Daily]