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Minor League Baseball

One-Pound Hot Dog + Forty Condiments = Akron Aeros’ ‘Eighth Wonder Of The World’

Hoo boy. I just ingested a half-bottle of Tums just thinking about this shining, undoubtedly greasy beacon of ballpark goodness.

Courtesy of Sports Biz with Darren Rovell comes news that the Akron Aeros, the Cleveland Indians Double-A team located, conveniently, in Akron, Ohio, are rolling out sweet, sweet gluttonous goodness this upcoming season: the 8th Wonder of the World. Take it away, Official Site of the Akron Aeros:

The Akron Aeros today announced plans to release two new Black Angus All Beef Hot Dogs at Canal Park in 2011 – the ½ lb., 14-inch “WonderDog” and the 1 lb., 16-inch “Eighth Wonder of the World”, which is being specially created for Canal Park by Five Star Meats.

Fans will have the opportunity to “accessorize” either hot dog with 40 different never-before-seen toppings at Canal Park including Peanut Butter and Jelly, Macaroni and Cheese, Wasabi, Chocolate Chips and Pineapple. Five of the 40 toppings will include secret ingredients and change monthly throughout the 2011 season.

So hungry. So very, very hungry. And what kind of wussy will shame themselves, their ancestors and chronic overeaters everywhere and forgo the Eight Wonder of the World and ask for a WonderDog. For shame. For shame.

Sports Biz did some Sports Biz Super Sleuthing and has managed to procure a list of at least a majority of the 40 condiments, save for the mentioned “Secret Toppings. Those follow below:

1. Bacon

2. Jalapeno Bacon

3. Cheddar Cheese

4. Pimento Cheese

5. Sauerkraut

6. Onion and Pepper

7. Chili

8. Lettuce

9. Salsa

10. Guacamole

11. Sour Crème

12. Tomatoes

13. A1 Steak Sauce

14. Baked Beans

15. Cole Slaw

16. Black Olives

17. Kimche

18. Chow-Chow

19. Pineapple

20. Ham

21. Pepperoni

22. Marinara

23. Banana Peppers

24. Jalapeños

25. Peanut Butter and Jelly

26. Macaroni and Cheese

27. Chocolate Chips

28. Sprinkles

29. Feta Cheese

30. Onion Straws

31. Mozzarella

32. Wasabi

33. Nacho Cheese

34. Hummus

35. Pesto

Yeah, I’ll have one with the works, and make it snappy. Alright, alright, that might be too many condiments for one dog. Split the lot of condiments and place half on two of ’em. I did say I was hungry.

And if hot dogs aren’t you’re bag – first of all, you’re a damn pinko commie and should be deported – the Aeros still have you covered: how about a Nice 2 Meat You” Burger? That’s a “1 ¼ lb. hamburger, stuffed with a ½ lb. hot dog and a ¼ lb. of bacon, cheese and onions”? Good lord.

Alternatively, for a change of pace, you could opt for the “3 Dog Night”: a “hot dog stuffed inside a bratwurst stuffed inside a kielbasa, topped with sauerkraut and stadium mustard, all on a hoagie roll”?

Holy crap, the 3 Dog Night sounds too good to be true. Joy to the World, indeed.

Minor League Team Offers Hot Dog With 40 Different Toppings [Sports Biz with Darren Rovell]